Bob Sarlatte

Bob Sarlatte is a San Francisco-based, nationally known commercial actor, radio and television personality, comedian and speaker. His extensive credits include announcer, writer and regular comedy contributor on the first “David Letterman Show” for NBC in 1980, over twenty appearances on the Late Night version of that program, with guest spots on “The Late Show” as well. He has been the co-host and features reported on the Bay Area’s “AM San Francisco,” national humor reporter for “Entertainment Tonight,” and has done comedy/commentary for the Fox Sports Network. He has done voice-over work in over 5000 radio and television commercials and cartoons, been a guest on NBC’s “Night Court,” ABC’s “Match Game,” co-hosted PBS’s “Comedy Tonight,” as well as acted in Star Trek IV, So I Married an Ax Murderer, EDTV and Flubber. Careerwise, he currently remains as active as possible for one individual human being.

MB: Can you tell me about the first time you were nervous performing?

BS: When I first started doing stand-up, I wasn’t that nervous initially . . . I look at performing in a methodical way. There usually are two types of comics: the people who are great working the room and the people who write good stuff. But you gotta be able to do both. I had a bunch of stuff initially, so I just kind of wanted to get the words out of my mouth. To me, that’s sort of it. If you’re scripted, only you know the script and you’re producing your own show, so that can cut the nervousness a little bit. As opposed to approaching it like, “Oh, I’ll just try doing this.” And if you just do that you’re working without a net, and that’s the time when your nervousness is just out there. Because if you don’t know where you’re going, that’s what will really freak you out. But then the art of stand-up, as you know, is the art of over-learning material so it looks second nature.

MB: So when you’re feeling nervous, what are your thoughts?

BS: Well, it makes me nervous talking about it. [Laughs] You almost have this feeling of impending doom, like, “You know what? I’m dead!”

I did Letterman in the ‘80s, and I was doing a joke about Duran Duran. The joke was, “Hey, I see Duran Duran just broke up. That just goes to show you can’t misplace an eyebrow pencil and not expect repercussions.” That’s the joke. So when I got on stage, here’s what I did. I went, “Hey, I see Duran Duran just broke up. That just goes to show you can’t misplace an eyebrow pencil.” And I forgot the rest of it. And I went to myself, “YEOW! What’s the next [part of the joke]? Now I’m ruined.”

So I forgot the [end of the] line: “and not expect repercussions.” I couldn’t remember that. But, as you well know, jokes on television can be more glib and smarter than jokes in a club. In a club that joke would not work, but that joke would work on TV. So I’m going, “Oh Man! I’ve never really done this joke like that before.” But I’m smiling at the crowd and I end up getting applause like I thought I was going to at the end of the joke.

MB: Do you remember what was going on in your mind?

BS: I can tell you exactly. I was going, “I’m screwed! I’m finished.” You know what it was like in my mind? I was thinking like a spiral notebook that a reporter has, you know?—with the pages being flipped. I was Rolodexing in my head, going, “What’s the next joke in the set?” Because I’m trying to remember the end of the joke, and I can’t remember the real joke. “What’s the next damn joke?”

MB: So if you’re telling yourself, “I’m screwed,” how do you deal with that?

BS: Well, you’re smiling at the crowd and going, “I hope . . .” and it looked like I was frozen; I’m telling you, it seemed like an hour. I was going, “Oh Boy! I’m sunk. This is live.” Because Letterman goes live to tape; they don’t screw around with anything. So I kind of shook it off and I got a little applause, so it gave me time to gather my thoughts for five or ten seconds to get to the next part of the set.