Introduction

About a decade ago, the co-author of this book, Michael Edelstein, and I were giving a presentation to the National Association of Cognitive Behavior Therapists, of which we’re both on the Board of Advisors. And, wouldn’t you know it, my co-presenter interrupted and corrected me. Sure, I balked a little, but I knew I’d better listen, as he is a master. He didn’t let the point go—he was more concerned with the truth than my possibly bruised feelings. So we debated, and eventually I conceded his point, very publicly.

It’s a good thing that our discussion was about how not to disturb oneself. I got a lesson on practicing self-mastery in public by the co-author of this very book on practicing self-mastery. Boy, is he good. Dr. Edelstein and Mick Berry have synthesized in the most elegant and simple way the principles used by many popular performers to overcome their own stage fright. Taking the tenets of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, a powerful and focused type of cognitive-behavioral therapy developed by Dr. Albert Ellis, they present step-by-step exercises designed to help anyone overcome stage fright.

They interview many incredible performers in this book, including Phyllis Diller, Melissa Etheridge, Robin Williams, Maya Angelou, Olympia Dukakis, Frank Oz (“Miss Piggy” of the Muppets), Richard Lewis, David Brenner, and Jason Alexander (George Costanza from “Seinfeld”). These performers present their own techniques for overcoming stage fright, and many of their techniques are similar to those outlined in more detail by the co-authors of this book in the first chapter.

In my many years of practice, I’ve come to respect the subtlety and power of many of these methods, and how they work to change lives for the better. My practice and thinking on these matters show me endless variation in human desires, but definite patterns in disturbances such as fear of public speaking, social phobia, and stage fright. Our tendency to take preferences for public approval and escalate them into demands is at the root of stage fright, and Edelstein and Berry clearly identify the three main ways in which to overcome it.

First, they’ll have you identify and dispute your demands on yourself and your performance. That sounds daunting, but it’s like removing a tarp on a baseball field: it reveals many possibilities. Second, they’ll have you assess your implicit and explicit demands on others, and the ways these demands can lead to anger and resentments. Addressing these demands will do wonders for your relationships with others, and will make ensemble performing easier. Third, they’ll have you explore the demands that you may unconsciously be placing on performance conditions — and how quickly you can find excuses to quit or to not even try.

Dr. Michael Edelstein is often my go-to guy for the finer points of theory and practice. He knows his stuff inside and out—and that’s reflected here in a clarity and focus rarely found in self-help books. If Michael Edelstein agrees or disagrees with me, I listen. His co-author, Mick Berry, is an energetic, witty, and insightful entertainer who has mastered the methods described here, and is a great complement to Dr. Edelstein. Their collaboration has really borne fruit.

This book will help you get better, not just feel better. In my years of practice, writing on and reading literature on human change, I can say that the most effective methods of overcoming stage fright are distilled in this very readable book by two skilled and dedicated change-agents. I can promise that you’ll have fun getting better, too. Study this gem and gain mastery over yourself. Then, go out, take the stage, and gain mastery over your audience!

—Nando Pelusi, PhD, Contributing Editor, Psychology Today